National Squirrel Appreciation Day

I was alerted to the fact that today is National Squirrel Appreciation Day by late night talk show host Craig Ferguson - host of The Late Late Show on CBS.  He's my favorite (when he keeps it clean... which sadly, isn't very often).

Anyway, in honor of the day - my recent thoughts on squirrels:

I used to think I loved cute furry woodland creatures.  This was before I had a yard.  A yard that I spent a great deal of time, money, and effort, to landscape and maintain.

Not to mention the fruit trees.  Fruit trees that I selected and planted (not the kind of fruit trees that were pre-existing in the yard, you know, with massive amounts of overripe fruit rotting on the ground - because you don't eat it, or are too lazy to pick it - and when you see the same variety in the produce section you think to yourself, "I can't believe people actually pay for that fruit when I just watch it rot, I wonder if I could pay them to clean it up out of my yard").  No no, just the varieties of fruit that I actually like and would eat every single piece...

So, on this day of national repute, here are the top ten reasons why I now hate squirrels:

10. They think they own my yard, and yell at me and the cats from the trees when we go out in it.

9. They bring trash into the yard, or create their own (pomegranate leavings from the neighbors trees are my favorite, since they stain - oh wait, I forgot about the walnuts from the tree behind my yard, so that's a close second) and never clean up after themselves.

8. They carry disease (the vermin of the trees, as my friend calls them - I'm beginning to agree), and apparently have no natural predators around here.

7. They eat the fruit on my trees (the day before I intend to pick it).

6. They leave marks or bite pieces out of fruits and vegetables growing in the yard.

5. They dig up the ground wherever I have watered (ie only the parts of the yard I care about) because the clay soil is softer there.

4. They gnaw through the wires on my twinkle lights (light bulbs are NOT nuts, but apparently squirrels aren't the brightest bulbs on the line - pun intended).

3. They dig up my lawn to plant nuts (or light bulbs).

2. They dig up my lawn to find the nuts (or light bulbs) they previously planted.

1. They cost me lots and lots of time and money! buying new lights, replanting lawn, replanting flowers, purchasing fruits and vegetables I could have grown, and filling holes in my lawn (not sure I mentioned that enough...).

 Yes, squirrels are cute, but I'd be quite content for them to be cute elsewhere!!

Not to mention their larger furry woodland friends... the raccoon and the possum.  Last summer I cursed the raccoons every time I mowed the lawn - to the effect of, "I do not like poop, I do not like having to pick up poop off the lawn for half an hour before I mow, this (among other reasons) is why I do not have a dog.  If I wanted to pick up poop off the lawn I would get a dog, and then I'd get some sort of benefit from the poop picking up - instead of just the knowledge that the raccoons had been there using my lawn as their personal pooping ground."

Just recently they began tearing to shreds the rubber edging I used in landscaping - don't know what they think is under there, but that stuff was dang expensive, and now I guess I'm going to have to replace it with more concrete, due to the blasted destructive creatures!  But here I am blaming all this on raccoons, and to be fair - the other night Catzilla went running to the back window, and I looked out to see a possum that was nearly the size of a raccoon, waltzing along the deck and onto the lawn.

Seriously?  Guess I'd better brush up on my animal tracks, I definitely thought the mud prints left on the deck were raccoons.  So who knows how much damage is due to which vermin.  Argh.  And then, I thought I'd seen the worst until I started raking the leaves behind the gazebo.  What is worse than picking up a heck of a lot of poop logs? ...did ya guess?  That's right, raccoon (I think) diarrhea.  Yay me.  So looking forward to cleaning up that.

In conclusion, on this squirrel day - here's hoping that California will stop cramming more living units into every open lot, and leave some woods for these furry creatures to go back to.  Meanwhile, I will definitely be reconsidering my dream of living out in the country one day (at least not with a landscaped yard!), and also investigating pest deterrents...