What you don't know...

So, I just caught the end of a PBS show on tv, and a line from it got me to thinking:

"In the absence of truth, fears and presumptions fill in the blank."

The show was "Adopted: for the life of me" - and the quote was in regards to a man about to receive information about his birth mother.  He was expecting the worst, being of the opinion that there could be no good reason for giving him up for adoption.  But he came to find out from her closest friends (she had already passed away) that she had desperately loved him, thought of him every day of his life, and had only given him up to protect him from abuse.  He couldn't think of a better reason for adoption.  And upon knowing the truth, she became his hero.

I have been pondering the "presumptions" of people quite a bit lately.  Particularly what people presume I'm thinking (when I don't say what I'm thinking), since they often assume the worst, which isn't at all accurate.

I attended a fireside last Sunday night where the San Jose mission president and his wife spoke.  He talked about receiving their mission call and the subsequent interviews with general authorities.  He said in their initial interview with Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, he had absolutely showered them with praise.  They came back to meet with President Henry B. Eyring, who read over their file and was exceedingly and overly impressed, until he saw who wrote the recommendation - then he said he'd have to take it all in with a grain of salt, since "Jeff" was always so abundantly generous with his praise.  And the mission president related how true that was, how he had felt so good about himself after leaving the interview with Elder Holland.  That positive exchange had left him glowing with confidence.

And I thought, I want to be like Elder Holland.  I want people to feel better about themselves after having interacted with me.  Which is definitely a tall order, and something I need to work on.  The first step is perhaps saying more of what I think.  Which actually was a goal of mine in 2012.  Not sure if that goal ended in a fail for me, or an epic fail.  Oh well.  The good news is I can keep trying...

I hope that I can learn to be a more positive influence on others, to help them to feel good about themselves, and motivated to be even better - instead of making them feel criticized or judged.  I'm aware their assumptions of my displeasure are often a result of their own insecurities and have nothing whatsoever to do with the things I have said or done, but holding my tongue and not offering praise does contribute to the phobia.  To repeat the above, "in the absence of truth, fears and presumptions fill in the blank."  I think that if people knew what I was really thinking, they would most of the time be very pleasantly surprised.  Very.

Granted I am human and imperfect, and there are people that get under my skin and I absolutely cannot stand.  But those people are few and far between, and someday I hope I'll be perfected in charity and get over it completely.  And to be clear - I fully admit to being just as guilty of assuming others are thinking the worst of me.  Sigh, it's an addicting habit, and no bueno!

So anyway, to pull it all back together and end on a slightly humorous note, I've discovered that there are great benefits to being an Eeyore of life and always expecting the WORST case scenario - because then you are guaranteed to be either:   RIGHT  or  PLEASANTLY SURPRISED.

And I like both of those options - although to be honest, expecting the worst and being right about it isn't at all my favorite thing to be, but it is getting to be extremely familiar territory...  ;o}